UNTOLD STORY: NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE

March 2007 - Age 19

He took a few confident strides towards my direction. My heart raced inside my chest and I anticipated the worst, so I took one final breath, closed my eyes and prayed to God that it wouldn’t be my last.

My boyfriend looked into my eyes and then introduced his fist to the side of my face with a destructive force. I held my jaw in pain. Andrew stood up, grabbed me by my hair extensions and dragged me back over to his mattress. He straddled my body and placed his hand over my mouth so that his mother wouldn’t hear me scream. My nostrils flared up in desperate need of air and my anxiety steadily increased. In one quick movement, his hands transitioned themselves from my lips to around my neck. I tried to release another outburst but I couldn’t. My vocal box had been interrupted by the pressure of Andrew’s strength. His muscular body hunched over mine and the look in his eye frightened me. We stared at each other while he weighed down heavily on my chest and his hands closed tightly around my throat. I kicked and moved my hips underneath him, but the more force he applied when he choked me, the more my muscles weakened and my body went limp. I looked back at him with dead eyes and when he saw the lifeless tear that slid down the side of my cheek, he finally let go.

QUOTE:

Every move a woman makes matters. A woman should know how to live and love. It's important that she brings everyone around her peace, progress, and pleasure. Every move she makes is either building her family and community up or breaking it down. Every word she speaks either teaches or misleads. She must remain honourable, pure, and righteous, otherwise there will be no happiness, no family, and no reason to exist.

From the book: Midnight

DIARY ENTRY: Something New

A passage from my "Little Black Book"

Dear Little Black Book, June 2009

He likes it when I keep my stilettos on. We only have one rule behind closed doors, Clothes Optional. There's something about him that makes me want to try new things. We’ve established a comfort level that I have never felt with another man or woman. It's all new to me.

I love when he teases my senses. When his hands, lips, caress - undress me. My world changes. Every night he shows me something unique, something that no one else has brought to the table. It’s refreshing. His energy seduces me and lures me into a place where I can just be me. I can't control it. My thoughts are unpredicted. Some days I try to stay “lady-like” and then again some days, I just want to show him the secret side of me. Entirely.

Exclusively
We lay there
Sex funky
Hot&Sweaty

Catering to each others needs
His love inspires me
to connect with him mind.body

A beautiful unexplainable mystery that I will continue to explore

LOVE&LIFE: Naked&Loving. It

Have you ever stood in front of your mirror naked?
I mean full frontal. Stripped of all clothing, weave, eyelash extensions, artificial nails and even that push up bra that you wear everyday hoping to get his attention.

I’ve blogged about this topic before: The importance of loving the skin you’re in and the qualities that make you unique. Everything from the curves that may ripple down your love handles, to round of your breasts or the pleasure principle between your thighs. These beautiful features make up the woman you are. It may take a day or a lifetime, but before anything else learn to love you. Learn to love every inch. Learn to appreciate what God has given you. Don’t be jealous, be content.

Try it! I want to hear about how you felt when you stripped away the window dressing.

(Always remember this!) Peace begins with you!

Pauleanna

Video Diary Entry: NICE GIRLS DON'T GET RICH!

To see my book review on What Women Want, click HERE

HAPPY READING!

STORY UNTOLD: UNSOLVED MYSTERY

May 2004 - Age 17

I contemplated suicide. The guilt that followed the murder of my innocent child devoured my reasons to live. I felt selfish and ashamed of my actions. I allowed my weakness for Dreon to influence one of the most important decisions of my life. Out of desperate intentions to hold onto his affection I obeyed his demanding request and lost the confidence that I had spent the last few years nurturing in the process.

The aftermath of the abortion physically and mentally drained me. The lower part of my abdominal area experienced excruciating pain while deep red coloured blood flowed excessively between my thighs like water, everyday for the following month. The doctor said it was all a normal part of the operative recovery process, but I disagreed with his reason. The discomfort was far too unbearable to cope with and If I didn’t kill myself first, the pain would have.

For many nights I laid in bed, deathlike, unable to move a muscle. Drowned in depression, I disappeared from the rest of the world. My conscious, constantly in conversation with itself, as my thoughts replayed that terrifying, lonely afternoon over and over. Images of young women, who filled the recovery area, shook uncontrollably and vomited continuously in garbage cans next to their beds. Their eyes were lifeless, and where a glimmer of hope once lived, fear took its place. We all had the same thing in common. The childlike innocence we once held possession of, had been stolen by men who took advantage of our young, enticing bodies. But that cold day in March was a fresh start for most of us. We were cleansed of our mistakes and given a band-aid to conceal our pasts.

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LOVE&LIFE

All the shit that you're in love with, his car, wallet, style and sex, is all window dressing. Nothing is ever what it seems. There's always more than what meets the eye. Dig deeper.

-Pauleanna